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2004-11-09 - 8:41 a.m.

Observations…

Ok, so I’m back at work now. i mean really back at work. As in, I have to take the train, then a bus, and sit in an office with 50 other people. I figured I’d have lots of new stories and funny anecdotes to share now that I’m back with civilization…but so far, I just feel….overwhelmed. I mean, I’ve been at home by myself for the past three years. All day…alone…not talking to or seeing anyone. There were times when I would go for WEEKS without talking to anyone other than my family. And now I am surrounded by people, ALL DAY. Don’t get me wrong, the people I work with are nice, and they are funny, etc etc. but everything seems so LOUD, and the crowds seem so…so…CROWDY! Of course, it’s only been two days, so I’m sure by next week I’ll be fine. I mean, already it seems like I was only away for a week or two, not three years. So I’m sure that once I’m over my initial people-shock, funny things will start happening, I will start updating more, and hilarity will ensue.

:::

I saw a pretty girl on the train today. Ok, let me clarify, I saw MANY pretty girls on the train today, but this one caught my eye (maybe because I wasn’t wearing my glasses and she was sitting right next to me, so I could actually, you know, SEE her). She was not pretty in a super-model way, in fact, I suppose she was just ordinary. She had no make up on, her hair was pulled back in a loose ponytail, and she was not engulfed in a cloud of expensive perfume. I think she was a student. But there was just something about her. She sat there, quietly listening to her discman, every now and then bobbing her head slightly to whatever beat she was hearing. What got me though, was every now and then, she would smile slightly, to herself. I don’t know whether she was people watching, and was smiling in response to some humorous quirk of human nature, or whether a certain musical phrase just happened to strike her as exceptionally pleasing. Whatever it was, it was a nice smile. Not contrived. Not for anyone else’s benefit. Just a smile for the sake of feeling good.

:::

The human psyche is a funny thing. While I was on the bus, a girl got on with crutches and an obviously painful foot/ankle. Just as I was about to stand up and offer her my seat (cuz I’m all nice like that), the lady next to me stood up and said, “oh please sit here, I’m getting off soon anyway”. Now, here’s where the mind gets weird…part of me was so pissed that she offered first, hence looking like the Good Samaritan and making all the rest of us look like selfish turds who like nothing better than causing others pain and discomfort. But part of me was so very happy that I didn’t have to stand for the whole rest of 5-10 minutes I was on the bus, cuz damn skippy if my feet don’t hurt all the damn time! Maybe I really AM a selfish turd?

:::

OK, are ALL bras this damn uncomfortable?? Nevermind. The answer is YES. As part of my back-to-work preparations, I had to go out and buy a new bra. it’s even relatively soft and comfy, compared to some of the evil garments I tried on…but even so, I can still feel it, sitting there, itching in some places, cutting in in others, and I constantly feel the need to readjust myself. I suppose if I had ginormous boobs, I may appreciate the damn things more, but I don’t, and thus they are just annoying, uncomfortable devices of TORTURE. I have heard people say that it’s because I’m not wearing the right size, or that it’s because I bought a cheap bra. Well, that could be the case. However, when I happened to go into the froo-froo lingerie shop down by my house, where they sell lovely, lacy, pretty things for just about every size and shape of boob and bum, I just about swallowed my tongue when I saw the price tags!! I mean, holy CRAP! $100 for a plain, beige bra??? Nearly $200 for something with color and/or lace trim??? For that much money, it better massage my boobs, erase my stretch marks, and tweak my nipples on command when I’m feeling saucy! So, buying a bra that is not “cheap” is pretty much out of the question. Also, as for that whole size issue, that’s a bit of a problem. I’m a big girl. By that I mean I am fat. But, I do not have large breasts (which, incidentally, is the reason I don’t buy dresses – they assume that everyone with an ass this big, must have boobs bigger than their head). So, here I sit, twitching, and itching, and squirming, and constantly readjusting the damn thing, realizing that now that I am back at the office I have to wear one every friggin’ day, wondering if people would really notice if I didn’t wear one, and just WAITING to get home so I can rip the sucker off! Thank God I’m not a pantyhose-wearing type gal! I think I’d kill myself.

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