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through a mouse's eyes

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hallelujah. - 2008-08-03
new blog up and running. - 2008-08-01
wootzors, and the like - 2008-07-31
comedy of errors - 2008-07-30
a monday of biblical proportions...? - 2008-07-21

 

2005-06-19 - 8:59 a.m.

Look, I am barely holding it together as it is. I can’t talk to you right now…unless you want me to just break down in tears right here at work???? I’ve done enough of that to last me a lifetime. In our whole time together, how many times have I EVER hung up on you??? Don’t you think maybe I had a reason? That I didn’t WANT to cry anymore???? Call me back to say, don’t worry, they’ll be looked after. Of course they will. I’m not there. You are. You’ll do a better job of it anyway. That should be obvious. Cuz I can’t do SHIT right.

Do you know how thin the thread is that I am holding on to? You see me cry, and break down…but I don’t think you really know. I mean, my God, the effort it takes just to keep breathing! I have an ache in me so big that it actually physically hurts. I swear, if it manifested itself physically, I would just start bleeding from every orifice.

I’m sure you think I’m hysterical. And you wouldn’t be wrong….but you have no idea exactly how much I keep inside…even now, when it’s obvious to everyone that I am losing it. Still….you only see the very tip of what is building up in me. Shall I let it out? Shall I let you all see, so you can watch me slowly shut down until I can’t even force myself to breath anymore????

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