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2005-09-15 - 10:15 a.m.

Holy hell, you guys. I don’t know if it’s possible, but I’m pretty sure I have a Garlic Hangover.

For my birthday, my brother took me out for dinner. I told him to choose the restaurant. So the other day he calls me and says, “Do you like garlic?”

“ya, I like garlic.”

“No…I mean do you REALLY like garlic?”

“ya, I really like garlic.”

…uh huh. Little did I know what I was getting myself into!

So, yesterday my big brother picks me up after work and takes me to ...this place

The food was fan-FUCKING-tastic (I’m pretty sure that’s a direct quote from my brother). We had the garlic and pork dumplings. *drool*, and then both had the “stinking steak”. Really…this was wonderful. The sauce on the steak? O…M…G! So good. I even had the garlic beer. Don’t make that face. It’s good! Really! (ok, ok…I made that face too when I heard they had garlic beer…but I mean, going to a place like that is an “experience”, yanno? So I HAD to at least try it. And honestly? It was good!)

Well, I didn’t eat my whole dinner. Not because it wasn’t fan-fucking-tastic…but because it really was a lot of food. I got it wrapped up to go, and then my big brother drove me home. All in all, it was a wonderful time, and I was happy.

Ok…fast forward a couple of hours. All I can taste, all I can smell, is GARLIC. It was good with supper and all….but not when I’m sitting there drinking a Dr. Pepper that tastes remarkably like a big stinky glass of GARLIC JUICE! Enough!

And there was the fact that my son was sitting as far on the other side of the room from as he could, and that my husband made comments about how comfy the couch was and that maybe I’d like to sleep out there tonight?

Ya. I was starting to get the garlic sweats.

Ok….fast forward to the middle of the night. Trying to sleep. Waking up every now and then thinking “dear LORD! What is that funky smell!??” and then realizing it was um…ME. and please…don’t make me mention the um..overwhelming garlic gas blatting loudly out of my ass all night.

All right….fast forward to this morning. Waking up with the worst hangover EVER. A ghastly, stinky, GARLIC flavored hangover. The garlic sweats are pretty bad now. And Sweet Merciful GOD, what is wrong with my MOUTH!? Apparently, some time during the night, Pure Evil crawled into my mouth and DIED!

I staggered around the house for a while, waiting for the aching fog in my head to clear (it still hasn’t, btw), watching my family clear a path as I came close, debating whether or not I really wanted to go to work today. Not only that…but would my co-workers really want me there??? I decided to give it a go and headed off to the shower….scented soap in one hand, giant bottle of Listerine in the other.

Ok…smell was muted…for now. Next problem…what to do about my aching bloated belly and the jackhammer going off in my skull.

…so, several hours later, here I sit at my desk, my garlicky scent gently wafting through the office. I came to work loaded down with a liter of ginger ale, no less then two packages of Clorets (with chlorophyl), and a handful of Tylenol. It’s only 10:00 am, but I’m pretty much done in for the day already.

So I ask you…is it actually possible to OD on garlic? Is there a cure for a garlic hangover? Also…does anyone know how long it takes about 3 lb of garlic to work its way out of your system?? Anyone??

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