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through a mouse's eyes

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hallelujah. - 2008-08-03
new blog up and running. - 2008-08-01
wootzors, and the like - 2008-07-31
comedy of errors - 2008-07-30
a monday of biblical proportions...? - 2008-07-21

 

2005-11-08 - 7:57 a.m.

i hate when i have a really good dream, followed by a really bad dream. it messes with my head. sometimes i hate that my dreams are so messed up. but the messed up ones are still better than the nightmares. at least i haven't had one of those in a while. i think it's the new medications messing up my sleep though. i dream so vividly, and furiously, and...bizarrely, that when i wake up in the morning, i already feel mentally exhausted!

*sigh*

i wonder what it's like to be 'normal'. i suppose 'normal' is all relative, but really...there must be people out there who's lives are not a constant battle with medications and depression, and miscellaneous undiagnosable aches and pains. do they wake up in the morning and see the day as a challenge - not for all the things they might encounter or accomplish...but just getting through the day without a migraine, or a breakdown, or nausea?

you know, i had two whole weeks off...basically to try and get my shit together on another new drug...and all that really happened was that i decided i didn't want to go back to work. ever. i am quite happy staying in my house all day, forever and ever. well, except maybe for the occasional trip to the w@lmart.

i don't really want to talk to people anymore. or go out. or anything. and yet...this is still an improvement over how i was a month ago. shit. what am i going to do with myself for the rest of my life????

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