| ...a day in the life of a mouse |
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| ...a day in the life of a mouse |
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2006-06-14 - 10:28 a.m. I keep meaning to update, and write down all the crap that’s going on in my life…but then I am so sick of typing, that I can’t be bothered typing it all out. Mostly I have just been working. And then working some more. I have my full-time, 8 hour-a-day job, then there is the part-time job that seems to be either feast or famine with no work for weeks, and then 5 reports to do all in one weekend, and then there is the overtime I have been trying to pick up on weekends. I am really really getting sick of typing. Too bad that’s all I know how to do for a living, huh? Other than work though, things have been going pretty damn well. Fuck. I hope I didn’t just jinx everything. I am off my antidepressants. All of them. Completely. And I feel GREAT! Yes, I have my off days, where I feel the tears prickling just behind my eyes. And the days when I am anxious and cranky and want to hit things and yell at people. But those days are not severe, and I have been able to not fall to pieces fairly well. I am eating healthy. I have started walking more and more (damn, it’s good to have an iPod again!!! Oh, how I missed my music!!). I am managing to keep up with the dishes fairly well, and have been cooking semi-regularly (actual meals, with healthy foods in them!) I still need to get started on the house-cleaning though. Turns out that mice moved in over the winter. I want to set out live traps, but I have no room to put them, and we have so much junk in our house that the mice could hide in there for centuries! But, I have two weeks off coming up…and I am going to transform myself into a Cleaning Nazi! Chicken is now taller than me. Which is totally not fair. The dog has mostly stopped peeing in the house. Which is excellent. Except that we have to be uber vigilant about watching her. She doesn’t bark to go out. She comes and does this funny snap-snap thing, like she’s impatient or something. She does that when she is reminding you that it’s past 6 o’clock and supper has not yet been served, too. So, if I am busy, or napping, or whatever, I don’t always hear her. So she will go hide somewhere and pee on the floor. But at least her anxiety issues seem to have mellowed out, because she had been peeing on the floor every day! The bad news is her lipoma is still getting bigger. Each time I get it tested, it’s still totally benign, but it still concerns me. It doesn’t seem to hurt her, but I know it bothers her, cuz she will lie there and poke at it with her nose. Work is going kinda crappy. I’m still taking my Ritalin, but without the antidepressants, it doesn’t seem to do squat for my attention. My line count is pretty bad. I need to get on top of that or they will fire me. I’m pretty damn sure I ran out of second chances about 5 chances ago. Also, I am developing some serious abandonment issues. It seems that everyone I actually ‘click’ with, and become good friends with, and open up to…LEAVES. All my friends from highschool – gone. Then Babs left 2 years ago to go back to Manitoba. I was so alone. I felt isolated. When I came back to the office to work, I met Bunny. She is awesome. Her personality compliments mine so well! She is quirky and fun, and straight forward. She has no problem telling me when I am acting like an ass. She is generous and kind and gives me free loot all the damn time. She laughs, and cusses and has so much energy and creativity. Every day I think how glad I am to have met her. It seems she is likely going to move back to Ontario to be with her son. I really want to be supportive and encouraging to all my friends. I want them to go and do the things that will make them happy in their lives. But it’s very hard to do that when everything inside me is shouting, “NO! no more fucking LEAVING!!!” As I get older, and it becomes easier to make friends, I feel more at ease. Because I’m not so lonely as I used to be. But I still don’t have many really close friends. Friends I can share everything with. Friends who I allow to see me cry. The more they keep leaving, the more afraid I become with each new friend I make. And yet, every time they leave, I am more eager to make new friends, because I LIKE having people in my life that I enjoy. So I’m in rather an emotional pickle. Make new friends, and risk having them leave me….or avoid making new friends so I can’t become attached, but then be lonely? *sigh* In other news, yesterday was our 8th wedding anniversary!! I can’t believe it’s been 8 whole years! In some ways, it has gone by so fast! But in other ways, it feels like it must be much more than just 8 years, because I feel as if he’s always been there. I enjoy being married. Very much. To celebrate we went out to a fancy-shmancy steak house for an expensive meal. It’s ok though, because we had a $100 gift certificate that I won at last year’s xmas party. So we basically got a $105 dinner for $25. Yay us! Again, my husband spoils me. For a present he got me a 20” TV and a DVD player for the bedroom, because the tv we have in there is small and about 25 years old. it is about 12”, the channels only go up to about 25, and the color is all funny. The very cool thing is, he paid for it all with his tips from work! He didn’t have to use ANY of his paycheque!! We were too tired to set it up last night, but today after work I plan to set it up, put on my jammies, and watch Wallace & Grommet movies in bed. Speaking of Wallace & Grommet….has anyone seen Curse of the Wererabbit??? Husband fell in LOVE with those little bunnies. He actually asked me after we watched it if I thought I could make him one out of clay. I said I probably could…and then never did. So, after he went to work the other night, I stayed up till 2:00 am making him two little bunnies for his anniversary present. (I know, it’s not a 20” TV…but I didn’t know he’d got me that at that point). When he opened the little box he actually SQUEALED! Like a fucking GIRL! HAHA! It was awesome. He was sooooo happy with them! I have to say, they actually turned out pretty well. I’m quite impressed with myself. Well, the grey one does look like maybe he fell on his head a lot when he was younger…but still…they turned out pretty well. I should figure out how to post pictures on here. So anyway. That’s pretty much what’s been going on in my life. Mostly just more of the same. But things are going well, so who’s to complain?? 
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