| ...a day in the life of a mouse |
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| ...a day in the life of a mouse |
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2006-09-24 - 1:17 p.m. Wow. There has been so much going on in my life lately. Every night when I go to bed I think that I should write all this down, but I don’t, because I’m tired and I tell myself I’ll do it tomorrow. But I don’t. I think at this point it’s mainly because I am starting to HATE typing. Literally hate it. I sit at a computer 8 hours a day, typing. Often I go home, and sit at that computer for another 2 to 5 hours typing some more. By the time I have finished all my work, I am stiff, and tired, and sore, and the thought of sitting there typing out the events of the day makes me want to cry. So I put it off, and put it off, until I’ve forgotten. I find I am forgetting a lot these days. Not just the little thoughts and/or insights I have during the day that change me in tiny subtle ways over the course of my life…but actual events. What did you do on the weekend? I have no idea. I know at one point I went to W@lmart with Chicken, and I know at another time we went to see a movie, and at some point one of my guinea pigs died. But what time or day? No idea. I find it disconcerting that I can’t remember these things. It’s like the things I’ve done and seen are just…disappearing. I almost feel like they may as well never have happened, you know? I don’t like it. I need to start writing this down. I carry a little pocket calendar with me EVERYWHERE. I have to. I will seriously forget to do ANYTHING if I don’t write it down. I used to just write it down in there, but now I have started programming it into the little schedule thingy on my cellphone, so that an actual alarm goes off to remind me that I’m supposed to do something. So, I try to jot down little notes in my daytimer, to remind me what happened when, like “Dr. H 900” or “pick up px” or “bbl tea w/Chick”. Sometimes I’ll even put more details in like “movie w/boys – X-men III” so that I can look back and say, “oh ya! I remember that, that was a lot of fun”. I know that when a person is busy, or stressed, or gets older…they don’t remember as much as they used to. It’s normal. It’s ok. Only for me, it’s NOT ok. I am obsessive about memorabilia. I NEED to remember things. I take a million photos. I pretty much never delete any of them, even the crap ones I don’t like. Because to me they are memories. I keep useless crap from when I was 10 years old. Because it represents a memory. Notes I got from friends in grade school, a sticker I got from my brother when I was 9, an ugly glass ornament that I don’t even like but reminds me of the person who gave it me….all these things…I can’t bear to part with. My memories are sooo precious to me! Sometimes I think perhaps I spend too much time in the past, reminiscing. Sometimes I think it gets in the way of my life right NOW. My house is so cluttered and messy and just…horrible. Because its full of STUFF. Deciding what to throw away and what to keep is hard, so I just don’t do it. Although, I also have a real problem just throwing stuff away. I cannot waste anything! If it can be reused or recycled, then it just about KILLS me to throw it away. I think that 90% of the junk in my house could be of use to someone. It’s just a matter of sorting it out and getting it all together for a HUGE yard sale. But that is so much work! I literally have a house and garage FULL of stuff in boxes. Literally. So, for me to go through each and every box, decide what’s for keeping, what’s for selling/giving away, and what’s garbage? There’s so much, that I just don’t know where to start. So I just…don’t. and because I don’t, my family doesn’t either. So…2 ½ years after we moved in…our basement and garage are still full of boxes we haven’t unpacked. Sometimes I wish I was one of those manic, compulsive people. Sure, I’d never sleep, or eat, and I’d probably drive my family away, but my house would be neat, and clean, and I’d probably be really thin. Like Monica from Friends, except not so shrieky.
:::: also…. Woohoo! It’s about fucking time! 
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